They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
