but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
