I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
