i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
