Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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