im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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