CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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