you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
