She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
