the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
