what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
