When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She bit a glass in half.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
