$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
