Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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