Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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