im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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