the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
