i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
