soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
