I've blown a few things in my day
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
