I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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