I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
