I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
