So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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