I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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