I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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