I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
