Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I don't deserve a penis
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
