Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
