dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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