So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
