i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
