Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
