I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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