did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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