i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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