I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize