Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
