The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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