I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
