i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I just made out with a guy for $7.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
