That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
