Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
