oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize