Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I feel like abortions should bother me more
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
