It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Success! We fucked roommates!
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize