I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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