I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
