she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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