I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
