She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
