oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
