did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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