i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
