they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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