i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize