We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
