Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
