Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
