while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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