Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
