Porn is love you can see.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
