once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
How does one acquire holy water?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize