Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
