I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
