Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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