How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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