He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
