hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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