btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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