Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
